Do you ever think about the characters you've created for your stories, I mean really think about them, their lives, their personalities, the things you put them through for the sake of your plot, and do you ever feel like crying?
Maybe I take this too seriously, but I'll begin with an example of a story I wrote from the age of 16 and finished when I was 19, and am currently going through and revising so that it no longer reads like the mind-vomit of a fantasy-loving high schooler. The story as it stands is about 300+ pages in length, and though there are really only 4 characters I consider "principle," there are a dozen or more supporting and minor characters whose actions and fates all assist in the story's ultimate outcome. And despite there being so many of them, and aside from the fact that so, so many of them die before the end, I find myself loving them all. And I want you to love them too.
Of course I never intended to have so many characters in the story, in fact the original idea was for a short story 'cause I was 16 and didn't know how to write a long book. It was originally going to end with a terrible misunderstanding that resulted in an unnecessary death and the remaining main characters going their separate ways on terrible terms. I was more curious how the story would turn out if the plot took a different turn, and then 300 pages later I found out, and made some new "friends" along the way.
There was a firstish draft I wrote when I was 16, but then I got a computer virus because that was around the time I discovered Limewire. So we rebooted the computer and I lost 80 pages of my book. So I take a break and write a different story, and when I get sick of that one I decide to revisit the fantasy story I thought was long gone. Turns out it being deleted was the best thing for it 'cause I was a slightly better writer this time around. It's interesting talking to my friends who have read it and telling them what parts of the story weren't in the original draft, particularly certain characters. It's like when I lent my friend the director's cut of Kingdom of Heaven and after he watched it told him what parts weren't in the theatrical cut. He had a hard time believing that the movie made any sense without the cut scenes. And honestly, the movie really didn't make much sense without those scenes, but that's besides the point. You see when I started the story the first time I was writing as I went, making up a main character on the spot and writing the first chapter, not knowing where it was going. As I went along I found an endpoint I could work towards, then it got deleted. In round 2, I knew exactly where I was trying to get to, and so I was able to have more freedom on the path there. I added some characters, created new plot points, and discovered all of those themes and metaphors that teachers tell you the authors intended to have. Here's a hint, those are almost always accidents. The ones that aren't are shitty books.
But where was I? What am I trying to say? Oh right! So obviously I don't write a 300 page book in one sitting. I write a paragraph or a chapter here and there, then leave to do other stuff or go to bed. It was never while I was writing that I truly discovered a character. When I'm typing I just spell a name and describe what they look like, write some dialogue to move the plot along, leave it at that. It's when I'm in bed when I really think about some of them. I mean as people. What their personality is, why they do the things they do, what happened to them prior to the story. And this isn't pretentious writerly bullshit they feed you in school, I really think about this stuff. But it's not because I want the story to work, or because I want to create diverse, interesting characters, the characters literally are people to me. I know what makes them tick, I know what their parents were like, and I don't even put most of that shit into the story. For the more likeable characters, it gets to the point where I wish I could just pull them off of the page and hang out with them.
It's bad, man. I don't want to always be thinking about people who don't exist but they're there all the time. Because of this it can sometimes be really difficult when the time comes for said characters to die. Oh boy, that can sometimes be a tough job. There was this one character, when I thought him up he was just supposed to be minor, just be around, but I needed the main character to have a best friend in that section of the story and so I promoted him. Eventually I realized I wanted to have an unrequited love story going on and so I again promoted this character to the hopeless romantic in addition to the main character's best friend. In the back of my mind, however, his fate was always to be killed near the end of the story. When I decided he should die, he was a nobody. A background character. Even after his subsequent character promotions his fate hadn't changed, he still had to die before the story's final chapters, because frankly I hadn't thought up anything he could do during those parts. Yes, he partly died as a result of my laziness. I've already had that talk with myself. So anyways, when the time came to type out his death scene, I was hesitant. "Maybe he doesn't have to die. I have the power to stop this," I told myself. But I held strong and wrote out his demise, and then I felt horrible. I had to stop and walk around for a bit. I know that sounds like such a J.K. Rowling thing to do, but it felt really weird to off a character that I'd been thinking about for so long. Maybe it was also the fact that he wasn't the only one who died in that scene.
Yeah, I killed off two kinda important characters in one go. Yes, I felt bad. And I wouldn't if, again, I didn't think about them so damn much. But dammit, they're so cool! There this other character, a girl, who was just kind of in the background here and there throughout the story. She never really did anything of note until this massive attack thing happens and this is when whoever's reading the story will start to get to know her. Through her struggles and acts of bravery the reader will start to think, "This chick, she's kinda cool." Then I pull the rug out from under you and kill her like I'm all, "Sucks to suck!" And admittedly, that was my intent all along, to make you just start to like this girl who seemed like a nobody and then have her die so you feel sad. That didn't make it any easier to write, though, I liked her too. Especially now during the rewrites where I'm thinking up a whole new backstory for her. I might even have a bit of a fictional character crush on her, which makes me feel slightly guilty about having her leg get blown off.
It's more than just those two, though. All of the characters I've invented (or "discovered" if I wanna sound douchy) I feel like I know through and through, and if I don't now I will eventually. Sadly, I have all of their fates mapped out and most of them die horribly. It's not 'cause I hate them, I just decided to kill them before I really grew to like them, and then I was stuck with a death scene I'd be forced to write, all the time trying to apologize to someone who doesn't exist, and who therefore is not actually dying.
But none of that matters, 'cause everybody is sad when their favorite character dies in a book or movie. I just happen to feel like that about EVERYBODY. It's like, imagine if a part of you died every time a random soldier died in the Lord of the Rings movies. Welcome to my world. What's worse is when I find a song that I specifically identify with a character or circumstance in my story. I listen to the song "My Junk" from Spring Awakening, a song about the young characters in that show growing up and thinking about each other in romantic (ish) ways, and when I listen to it now I think, "Oh god, it's just like in my story, and just like in my story most of them are dead by the end!" Obviously I've added it to my "writing" playlist. I also recently heard the Scala and Kolacny Brothers cover of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters," and oh my god does that song make me think about the aftermath of the attack scene I mentioned before, especially hearing it from a choir. Hearing the right music puts a whole new spin on what I'm writing and who these characters are.
But anyways, I hope I'm not the only writer who goes through this, because if I am I'm either a freak or the best writer around, and I'm not particularly comfortable being either of those. Regardless, I hope that if I ever get this thing published you will all pick up a copy and forget all the spoilers I revealed throughout this. Please support a hungry writer, because my acting career isn't exactly keeping the power on. And if you also like getting attached to characters only to see them get horribly murdered, I highly recommend watching Game of Thrones.
With regrets,
Tyler
P.S. Who has two thumbs and just got cast as Roger in RENT? THIS GUY!!!
Dream Roles:
Completed:
Tybalt - Romeo & Juliet
Bernardo - West Side Story
and soon Roger in RENT
Still on the horizon are:
St. Jimmy - American Idiot
Moritz - Spring Awakening
Iago - Othello
One day the list shall be complete. One day...
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