Get Off My Plane!

In movies, television, and literature, there are great and complex villains who are every bit as interesting and sympathetic as the story's hero. Then there are the ones who are just plain shitty people, and when they get their comeuppance it gets a big "HELL YEAH" from we, the people.

Here are my five favorite instances of this:

5. Mrs. Carmody (The Mist)

The Mist, based on Stephen King's long-short story, concerns a group of townspeople trapped in a grocery store when a mysterious mist envelopes the town and brings deadly, flesh-eating monsters with it. One of these people is Mrs. Carmody, a heavily religious woman who immediately sees the catastrophe as the beginning of the apocalypse and that only the righteous will be saved while the evil are devoured by giant squids and spiders. You know, just like the bible says. Mrs. Carmody is instantly insufferable as she spouts religious warnings and begins to form an ever-growing group of followers who see her as a savior and bend to her will, no matter how crazy. Just how crazy, you ask? BATSHIT. Every time someone is injured doing something brave and heroic, she claims it's god's will. When a soldier explains the possible origin of the mist, she has her followers beat him and stab him and throw him outside to the monsters as a sacrifice. Her next sacrifice she decides will be the hero's 8 year-old son and when she sics her mob on them she is suddenly shot in the torso. Then a second time, in the MOTHERFUCKING HEAD!!! By none other than Dobbie the house elf!

                                                                   The face of heroism. 

People in the theater cheered and applauded when Carmody bit it and her killer suddenly became the audience's favorite character. At least, until he eats it too within the next two minutes. But TAKE THAT YOU OLD BAG!!! HELL YEAH!!!

4. Zachariah (Supernatural)

Seasons 4-5 of Supernatural involved the Winchester brothers trying to do more important stuff while the angels of heaven were just being dicks, and none of them was a bigger dick than Zachariah. I mean, just look at him. Look at that face. First he allows Lucifer to be set free so that the apocalypse can actually happen just so heaven can say they stopped the devil. Then he tortures Sam to get Dean to let the angel Michael possess his body - and by torture I mean he makes Sam's lungs disappear and gives Dean cancer. When the brothers are killed (temporarily) and sent to heaven, the asshole chases them around there too, not even letting them rest in peace. Every time the brothers tried to get something done Zachariah's dick face popped up to taunt them and make sarcastic remarks. Then finally in one episode, THIS HAPPENED:

                                                                   FUCK YEAH!!!

Dean stabbed an angel blade RIGHT THROUGH HIS MOTHERFUCKING HEAD!!! Aw yeah dawg! Right up through the mouth! We had to put up with 2 WHOLE SEASONS of this douchebag! Granted, Zachariah was, in all senses, a neat villain. But DAMN did it feel good to see him go! HELL YEAH!!!
                          
3. Karl Tanner (Game of Thrones)

Now I know there was a certain other death in Season 4 we all enjoyed, but as far as overall satisfaction with said demise this one just moreso met my needs.
The most recent of these deaths - occurring just this past Sunday - was that of Karl Tanner, the self-titled "Legend of Gin Alley." We first saw him in Season 3 when he led the Night's Watch into mutiny by murdering their host Craster and inciting a brawl that left their Lord Commander dead. Karl stepped into the leader role of his fellow mutineers and took over Craster's Keep, claiming the food, shelter, and the dead man's many wives/daughters (yes, they were the same. I know, ew) for his and his men's own vile purposes. Yeah, THAT. Karl was a braggart and an awful excuse for a human being. The first time we see him in Season 4 he is drinking wine out of the skull of his former commander, who we all liked. Then he captures other people we like and implies he's going to rape poor Meera, and he comes close to doing so when Jon Snow shows up with the not-so-mutinous members of the Night's Watch to take these assholes out. Karl proves he wasn't full of shit regarding his fighting abilities when Jon takes him on alone and is about to be done in by the evil skull-drinker when STAB! One of the women Karl had been abusing sinks a knife into the rapist's back. Karl turns on her to do something knife-related when suddenly:

                                                               AW SHEEIT!!!

Jon puts his sword Longclaw RIGHT through the back of Karl's head and OUT his GODDAMN MOUTH!!! Take that, Karl! HELL YEAH!!!

2. Cheese Wagstaff (The Wire)

Yeah, Method Man played Cheese. It's weird but it was good, too. So Cheese was never a tolerable guy in the least bit since his introduction in Season 2, but it was always fun to watch him fuck up. Of course, he was Proposition Joe's nephew so he was essentially untouchable by other dealers on the street. If not for that, Cheese would've gotten got a long time ago. Despite his uncle protecting him for all those years, Cheese didn't hesitate when given the opportunity to betray his uncle to Marlo Stanfield and move up in the drug dealing hierarchy. Joe is executed and Cheese gets promoted, and he doesn't feel a smidge of regret doing it. I mean, jesus man, Joe was FAMILY! That's just cold! Then in the show's series finale, an episode where so much bad happens, something wonderful takes place near the end. In a meeting about finding a new distributor, Cheese continues with his dickish ways by threatening one of his associates with a gun to the face when the man merely mentions his late uncle. Cheese goes off into a rant against that "back in the day shit" and makes a possible Goonies reference about how it's their time now when he is interrupted by a FUCKING BULLET TO THE HEAD!!! AW DAYUM!!!

That was Slim Charles who took the dick out. Charles has always just sort of been there on the sidelines, doing this and that for his superiors, and he always knew when to speak up and when to keep his mouth shut. When his boss Joe was killed, he knew it was Cheese, but still he kept quiet in order to survive. However, as that clip shows, every man has his breaking point. God bless you, Slim Charles. HELL YEAH!!!

1. The Yellow Bastard (Sin City)

Now my most satisfying end to a disgusting villain is one I'm sure few would argue against, as it was also one of the most talked about points in the movie. Long story short: handsome pedophile gets blown apart by Bruce Willis and is assumed dead. 8 years later he comes back after some weird-ass surgery that left him looking like a cross between a Simpsons and a Peanuts character to get revenge on Bruce Willis and the young girl he tried to rape back then, who now looks like Jessica Alba. Do I really need to say more than the words "pedophile" and "rapist" to make you hate this guy? Didn't think so. After some car chases and disgustingly stellar acting from Nick Stahl, the final showdown between Bruce Willis (did his character even have a name?) and the Yellow Bastard ends in perhaps the most satisfactory way possible: Bruce Willis pulls the Bastard's junk off with his BARE HANDS and then punches his head into mush. It's all pretty awesome. So HELL YEAH!!!

Verily,

Tyler


P.S. I'm 25 now.