In all seriousness though, while it's fun to imagine being a completely different person all those years ago, there isn't much I'd want to change. I had a great group of people in my circle and was able to do more or less all of the things I wanted to do in high school. I can't look back on my high school years with any real regret. Even my awful bummer of a senior year I believe helped mature me into who I am now. Although, if I could do it all again, I definitely would have at least asked that girl out.
Or would I have?
Now wait a minute, Tyler -- yes, I'm talking to myself but bear with me -- don't you still have trouble asking girls out to this day? What makes you think you'll have any better luck finding the balls to ask her out the second time around?
Well, I...I...don't know. I just figured the second time's a charm, you know? That's what second chances are all about, aren't they?
It's easy to think that way, though. We convince ourselves that, had we just gotten one more chance to do something over, we would've done it right. We tell ourselves: "if I could go back to high school I would bury my face in my books and get into a better college," or "if I could do college again I would focus only on my classes and then get a better job than the one I have now." Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, no, you wouldn't, because the minute you touch back down into your high school or college years, you'd have the exact same feelings about work you did back then. You'd sit down to read that textbook when your buddies call you up to go bowling, and just like the first go round out the door you go, leaving the reading for another day. You get back to your dorm and decide to get a head start on that 8-pager due at the end of the month when you get a text: "yo dawg we hittin up teh bars lol lets get krunked brah!!1!". Yeah, you're going drinking, 'cause fuck that paper, you'll write it tomorrow, or the night before it's due, you don't care. You're young and will live forever. When you're older you'll look back fondly on the fun you had and not the papers you bullshitted, 'cause that was how you were in your school atmosphere. You could go back in time with the knowledge you have now and try to do it different, but when placed back in the same place with the same homework and the same friends inviting you out for another night of your life, you'll do exactly what you did all those years ago. It wouldn't be you if you did anything else.
I'm not proud of a lot of things in my past, but knowing that there's no other way they could've played at least makes me feel better about what happens now. There's more I could've done but there were reasons why I didn't, and those reasons don't change the second time around. I didn't ask that girl out in high school because I was scared of being rejected, and I didn't study harder because I simply wasn't interested. I spent more time with the theatre club at college than focusing on my major because I was frankly more interested in that. Also drinking. But put me on the spot in front of that girl today and I'd still chicken out and I'd still say "fuck it" to that essay and go get cast in a play or something. To quote one of my favorite songs by Green Day:
"The regrets are useless in my mind."
And that's really the truth, because there is no going back in time. There are no do overs. Whatever happened happened and you acted accordingly with what you thought was right (or wrong but fun anyways) at the time. Your strengths and your flaws can be traced back to that time but that's you now and you're stuck with it. Do I think some things would be better in my life had I done things a little differently? Absolutely. But would I be any better? Who can say? But I'm satisfied with myself. I'm smarter now from the mistakes I've made, and I'm driven more now to do the things I didn't do before. Life, unfortunately, is one giant learning curve, and the prize at the end is self-satisfaction (the good kind). I won't ever have the chance to ask that girl out now, but you know what? Since then I've asked many girls out, and...still nothing, but at least I've tried, dammit, and that's more than that 15 year-old dork with the stupid Anton Chigurh haircut ever did. But it could've been worse, I think. I could've endured some terrible relationships and come out a bitter, misogynistic jerk off like some people I know. Am I sad that I've been unlucky in my many affections? Yes, but never bitter. And girls dig that, I think.
So in short, "forget regret, or life is yours to miss." And there's no such thing as time travel so quit actin' a bitch and move on.
See you in another world, brotha,
Tyler
P.S. If you're really my friend you should have a leather jacket.
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