A Room Where the Light Won't Find You

Hello dear readers, new and old, but mostly new because I've moved on from a lot of you old ones. As you newbies may not be familiar with the back catalogue of this blog -- the deep cuts if you will, unless the world's not yet ready for suicide puns -- and since in recent years the blog has dabbled in unrelated topics or just not been kept up with because its author is a lazy asshole, I thought it important to bring back the topic of depression. That and a lot of you are still so bafflingly stupid when it comes to understanding the disease.

This is the cure, right?

Since moving to New York I've come across a handful of other people who suffer from depression (go figure) and through them I meet others who continue to remain ignorant on why their friends are sad sometimes. And it's not their lack of understanding that frustrates me, it's their unwillingness to try and understand it. Something bad doesn't even need to happen for someone to get depressed, it just happens on its own most of the time.

"But Tyler," you might enquire. "You're so funny and social and talented and good looking. Really good looking! How can you possibly be depressed?"

Well first of all, thank you for the compliments. Second, remember when Robin Williams killed himself? I sure do. I remember constantly being on the verge of tears for two days afterwards and not really understanding why aside from the fact that he was my favorite actor as a child. I had recently gotten better from a bad bout of depression and then suddenly this man who, in my mind, had everything that I ever wanted -- success, money, a family and an impact left on every person, famous or not, he came across in his life -- decided to end it all. The biggest reason I kept pushing through the depression was the thought that one day I could have all of that and maybe more, so when someone who had all of that takes his own life I'm left wondering what am I fighting for?

Anyway that story ends with me texting a close friend* and her explaining to me the chemical aspect of depression and suggesting I see someone so I do and...yeah, here I am.

So I don't entirely blame you all for not understanding the full effects of depression, since I hardly did and I'd been going through it. But Christ, you've got to have a lot of nerve to tell a depressed person to "cheer up." That and the infamous "stop being sad" earn you a special place in hell in my mind. But there's hope for you, my friends, hope that you won't be so stupid forever. However this might require you to actually listen to your friends when they talk so this may be difficult for a lot of you. To ease you along, I've prepared a list of facts that you'd do well to memorize and understand:

• Funny people can be depressed
• Rich people can be depressed
• Pretty people can be depressed
• Talented people can be depressed
• People who have no obvious reason to be sad can be depressed
• Sad music doesn't affect whether you're depressed or not
• Nor do sad movies
• Depression doesn't just "end" one day. It's not a cold
• If a depressed person wants to talk, you need to listen
• Someone who attempts suicide is not crazy, they need help
• Self-harm is more common and normal than you think, but shouldn't go unchecked
• If you get angry at someone for being depressed, you're an asshole
• Please laugh when we joke about being depressed. It's awkward otherwise

So hopefully that helps. In my case the depression comes and goes but it's never fully gone. I know a lot of people who are at the same point I am and that's a big step for people like us. That says that we were at some pretty low lows but kept going on the promise that things would get better, and they did, so we know it wasn't a lie. I stress the word better because things won't really be perfect ever. Depression is like living constantly in a Tears for Fears song: there are highs and lows but always with a subtle darkness over it all.

That and regrettable haircuts.

The reason people need to understand this better than they do is because depressed people shouldn't have to only talk to other depressed people about it. I mean we can, we just shouldn't be limited to that. It's a disease that people associate with suicide and that in turn is associated with being crazy and crazy people should be avoided and left alone to do their crazy deeds. That and the fear of not wanting to be the Debbie Downer in the group. People are encouraged to hide their depression and feign happiness until the day they die, which could be very soon for some. 

I for one am attempting to be more open about my depression in the hopes that others I know will as well. It's the only way to normalize it, and maybe once it's seen as "normal" people will begin to take it seriously. 

Class dismissed,

Tyler

* I know we don't talk anymore, friend, but thank you for being there for me that night. I wish you could know how much that meant to me.