SNAPE KILLS TYRION!!!

Nah he doesn't, that was just to reel you in. But he does kill Daryl.

I bet you all thought (hoped) I was done blogging! Again! But alas I get bored and twiddling my thumbs and mastur...I mean reading can only make the days go by so fast. I don't even really remember when it was I last posted but I've been itching to get back in the game. Since we last spoke I completed some more shows, my favorite of which was Dog Sees God in which I played a teenage germophobe version of Pigpen of the Peanuts gang. It was great, I got to act like a douchebag, perform various forms of pelvic thrusting, and beat up a gay kid. You know, smalltime stuff.

                                                                        This happened at some point too.

Since then I've been taking a theatre break and have been attempting to rediscover what my life was like before I filled my plate with a marathon of shows. Turns out I have little to no life, so I've been trying to read and write more, which brings us to this blog post. I tried and failed to complete a 50,000 word novel for last fall's NaNoWriMo (that's "National Novel Writing Month" for the squares out there), coming up about 30,000 words short. Doing a show and changing story ideas halfway through the month kind of slowed me down. But now I'm trying to finish what I started by completing that novel and then shopping it to some publishers before inevitably self-publishing it, which will likely require a Kickstarter so all of you should remember all of the nice things I've done for you and how I always write on your Facebooks for your birthdays for when that time comes.

                                                    You're welcome for this rare pic of Mustache Tyler as well.

I was saying something...

So I'm trying really hard to finish this story which I think is really good, but we'll know for sure when my test reader gets finished with the first 60 pages I gave her. Now that I'm back in a writing groove though, I'm beginning to pick back up all of the tricks and strategies I used to use in order to keep myself committed. I'll gladly share some of these tips that work for me and may help any of you fellow aspiring writers. Here's the list:

1. Anna Kendrick
2. Katy Perry
3

Whoops, wrong list! Here's the right one, in no particular order.

1. Make a playlist

I use music for a lot of my inspiration, so one of the first things I do, and sometimes during the process, is compile a playlist of songs on iTunes that make me think of certain characters or events in the story I'm writing. This way these things are always on my mind if I'm driving or somewhere I'm unable to write.

2. Have something to drink

This doesn't necessarily mean alcohol, although a cold beer certainly isn't a bad choice. I just like to have something else to do while I'm focusing, and reaching for a bottle or a mug also keeps your hand doing a different motion other than typing. It's like a very brief break, and refilling gives you something to do for when you get stuck.

3. Listen to instrumental music 

Film scores are my usual go-to for background music, but video game scores as well as classical music have also been very helpful. I can't work in silence but I also get distracted by lyrics, so this music is the most ideal.

4. Careful how often you read while working on something

Look, we all love reading. It's second nature to most of us. But if you find yourself too into a book while you yourself are trying to write one, you may find yourself copying that author's style, and in some cases, entire plot points. Always remember that every author is different and you'll gain nothing by doing what they did before.

5. Explain to your friends and family to leave you be

I'm still working on this one. Writing is work that requires great concentration, and once you fall out of a groove it's a slippery slope to get back on it. When somebody walks into your room while you're in the middle of writing, you may as well have your dick in your hand because you feel like your entire universe of privacy was just upended. Writing is basically masturbation of the mind and should be treated as such by those who interrupt you in the middle of it.

6. Become your characters

This was easier when I had more time to myself during the day, but it's a trick I came up with myself - a way to use my acting skills to boost my writing. Writing your characters, especially in POV situations, requires you to get inside their heads and think like them. Success in this results in better dialogue and natural character and plot development. I simply take 5 to 10 minutes - or more - and improvise a scene to myself as my character, acting out a conversation or an inner monologue, sometimes performing an action. Afterwards I can sit down and write practically a whole novel about that one character. And speaking of characters...

7. Plan major deaths in advance 

If I really like a character in my story, I usually find ways around letting them die in certain perilous events, even if their purpose to the story has been served and they've become just bodies that talk sometimes. But the death that stung me the most in my writings came from a character whose entire purpose in the story was to die. I had a scene planned where two characters would be talking and mention that this one guy had been killed off-page. So I introduce this character for the sole intent of having him die later. I realize the main character needs a best friend for those scenes and so soon-to-be-dead guy gets promoted to "best friend." When I rewrote that whole story a few years later I intentionally gave the soon-to-be-dead a little more page time, but then somewhere along the way I gave him a love interest. It wasn't long before this character had entire chapters devoted to him and his personal life. He had now become a main character. However, his death scene still lingered on the horizon, and with my ending to the story already planned and unchangeable, he just could not be wedged into the grand finale. There was just no room for him. So I stuck to my guns and killed him when the time came. And it HURT.

8. Before having a writer look it over, have a reader do it

If you think you've got a good amount of a rough draft finished, or even just a few chapters, your natural instinct may be to send it to one of your writer friends so they can tell you how much it sucks. While you may get constructive criticism in return, it can sometimes seem like your writer friends are only telling you how they would have done it. I'm just saying there's a reason Stephen King and J.K. Rowling don't swap rough drafts, or Harry Potter would have a lot of unnecessary sex and King's stories might actually have happy endings. I'm trying something new this time around and sending what I have to 1 or 2 friends who are simply avid readers. This way I can know if my story is worth a damn before I send it off to my writing kin to work out the more technical bugs.

9. Make lists. Lots and lots of lists 

This one is a bit vague but it's been extremely helpful for keeping me in my story universe. I make lists of characters in the story, list major events, list orders of character deaths (I kill people a lot), and my favorite is usually a dream cast list for what actors would play certain characters in the inevitable film adaptation.

10. Outlines are not Commandments

I don't often like writing outlines but sometimes I need to in order to keep my more epic undertakings straight. However I try not to have too many specifics in mind when drawing it up. I may write things like: "Chapter 1 - they walk in the woods/ character development occurs" or "Chapter 30 - John dies." Just small descriptions about what HAS to happen, but leaving plenty of room for improvisation. For example I had a chapter where two characters are just chased, and they had to escape somehow but unfortunately I wrote their pursuers as too good at their job and found myself stuck with them. After a lot of thinking and pacing around the kitchen, I stuck in some giant crabs and WHAMMY they were saved! It'll make more sense if you read the story. But the lesson is that if you just make yourself an outline that details every little thing, what fun are you going to have writing it? You'll basically just be reporting events and you will be bored, and bored writing = boring reading.

I think 10 is a good number to stop on, but lord knows I could give out tips all day. It just felt good to write another post again. I wouldn't be expecting these too frequently though, if you happen to be a fan/good friend who just reads out of pity. If I think of something that I just need to write down in longwinded and vulgar-filled essays, you'll see another post soon. But until then,

Say auf wiedersehen to your Nazi balls,

Tyler

P.S. And happy writing to my fellow writers out there!

Battledog Sees God

All right, first off, shut up! I'm aware I haven't posted anything in like months. If you want to read the blog so bad then you write it! What's that? Oh, you didn't even notice the blog stopped? Well then, urm...sorry I yelled.

Now, I've mentioned throughout the blog's existence how last fall I was offered the opportunity to work as a property master on a film being produced by the SyFy Channel being filmed in Buffalo, NY. So yeah I like totally said yeah. I got to experience what it was like working on a (semi) legit film set, meet some relatively well-known actors, and see stuff I helped with end up in the final cut of the film. That all sounds nice, which is why that's all I usually tell people when describing my experience. I feel I've made enough distance in time to really look back on that time and tell an honest tale about the making of the film Battledogs. If curious, the film can be watched on Netflix instant stream. And you might see a familiar face in the background of the 13:14 mark.

Having never seen a film set except in DVD special features, I had only a vague idea of what to expect. The reality was much weirder than I had anticipated. It was pretty cool getting to read a film script before anything production-wise had been completed. I was reading everything with a fresh mind, with my own cast of actors visualized as the characters including Rosario Dawson, Robert Wisdom, Kevin McKidd, and Michael Emerson to name a few. Sadly, none of them were in the actual cast, but that's not to say the real cast was not (mostly) impressive.
I probably should've started this section off by saying the script for the then-titled Ward's Island read like absolute shit. I wasn't even sure who the main character was supposed to be until I was about halfway through it. Every major plot point seemed to be resolved with a good old-fashioned chase scene. Seriously, there were a lot, lot of chase scenes. My job, however, was not to criticize this B-movie but to read through and make notes of props or set pieces we would need to make happen.
All of the major props, weapons and such were mainly already purchased by the production staff, and our art department (a whopping three of us) were responsible for everything else. The film was being distributed by The Asylum, but we worked directly with a smaller company called Infectious Films. I don't want to say anything negative about anyone but even they would have to admit that working together was a challenge in and of itself. If my bank account matched the budget we had to work with I'd be broke within a few months, even with income. Also, some of the props the script called for were things that were quite difficult to get a find in Buffalo, resulting in entire scenes being re-blocked and re-written.

                                                      Who would've guessed these would be so hard to get a hold of?

You know what, though? We powered through it and we worked every day of the two weeks of pre-production we got (that's not a lot, by the way) and when the first day of shooting came we were...not even close to being ready. As it turned out I had no idea what I was doing, I was only there because my friend invited me to join the film crew. I learned that my job was basically, when not being yelled at by the director, to stand around and wait for an actor to need a gun. Actually, it was more like stand around and try and guess when the actor needed the gun, because it seemed like neither the actors nor the director knew either.
Speaking of guns, safety was super strict on this set and, despite the weapons mainly being Airsoft rifles, weapon safety rules still applied. Actors were not allowed to point them at anyone and keep their fingers off the triggers of the unloaded toy guns. Yeah, even the fucking Nerf gun. There was one real gun among the props, though, and it had its firing pin removed. Any time the gun was taken out of its protective case I had to gather everyone around and explain that the gun was real and not to be played with. That I understood because it was technically a weapon. Same with the real dart gun and the spark gun we got later on. Yeah, blanks were apparently outside the budget so we got this handgun that fires off electric sparks that sound like a really quiet gun.
As for the rest of the props, we had to use a lot of our own stuff. My passport and laptop are seen clearly in the movie, as well as my car. Anything else we needed we ended up borrowing from the on-set medic. I blame all the fucking hospital scenes in the script.

                                                                 My laptop was the best actor in this scene.

I liked the director of the film as a director. Even as a person I appreciated that he managed to never hold a grudge against anyone who fucked up. This was good, because I fucked up a lot. He was a very precise person, and even a minor detail being off would set him off. I had myself a new asshole ripped when an actress, who was supposed to be holding her camera in a scene, had it hidden in a bag, making it not line up with a later scene. There were a lot of days like that, including a day when we couldn't get a hold of television monitors for a, you guessed it, hospital scene. There was about half a day wasted because of that.
He expected a lot from us despite the budget we had and the limited control we were given over things we should've been entirely in control of, but looking back I'd say he was justified considering he was trying to make a god damn movie while the universe seemingly did everything in its power to keep that from happening.

The downtime was the best part of the process. There was very little of it, but every once in a while we just had nothing to do while the cameras were rolling on something else. My favorite was a day where they filmed a boat chase (don't get me started on how stupid boat chases are and should be banned from film) and once I gave the actors the props and guns they'd need for the scenes, the boats and cameras took off to film and we were left to dick around on land. I found myself getting along with the extras and the production assistants the best, the two groups who usually get shit on the most during filming. I had been feeling pretty shit on myself so naturally there was a connection. The extras seemed to like me too since, as one actor put it, I was actually nice to them. Do you know what extras have to put up with? They arrive at the beginning of the work day, wait around, and maybe get on camera. Sometimes they don't even get to do anything. And they're not allowed to get lunch at the buffet until all of the main crew and cast have gotten their plates. That's some bullshit f I ever saw it.

On the subject of actors, let's talk about the cast:

Craig Sheffer as Major Brian Hoffman

Craig might be most familiar with fans of One Tree Hill where he played Uncle Keith, or his younger years where he starred in A River Runs Through It opposite Brad Pitt. As the protagonist of the film, I would say they chose well by casting Craig. His performance was honest, likable, and he's got that everyman look to him we can root for. As a person he's a lot of fun to be around, always cracking jokes and not taking anything too seriously, except of course for his acting. He was probably the most professional actor in the entire film, which is saying something considering the familiar names you're about to see.

Dennis Haysbert as General Monning

Haysbert is immediately recognizable as the man with the deep voice in those Allstate ads ("Are you in good hands?"), as well as playing President Palmer on 24. The film marketed the shit out of Dennis as he was the most familiar name in the cast, so much so that the mayor of Buffalo requested a special visit to the set to meet him. His adorers all assumed he was playing the hero of the film, when in fact he was the villain. Dennis was an interesting person. He's like seven feet tall and could crush your skull in one enclosed fist, while at the same time he comes off as a man who was dropped into this world without an instruction booklet. I noticed while watching him work that he does not so much "act" as he just says his lines in that deep, earth-shattering voice of his, and it still come off as acting. That's when he actually knows his lines, at least, which he hardly ever did. I have serious doubts he even read the script beforehand. However, he was also a joker off-camera, playing his character as from the ghetto and awing us with Darth Vader impressions.

Ariana Richards as Donna Voorhees

Ariana played the young girl Lex in Jurassic Park and the love interest in Angus. I wish I had more to say about her but, as she hardly used any props I did not spend much time around her. She held my passport in the film, though. As far as her performance goes, she didn't really convince me she was this daredevil adrenaline junkie the script insisted her character was. It was a very plain performance. Perhaps this was a result of miscasting, but I believe it had more to do with the underwriting of the script.

Wes Studi as Col. Falcons

Let me start off by saying Wes Studi is the fucking man! I remember my excitement when I read the call sheet for the next day, turned to my friend and said breathlessly, "Wes Studi's in this movie?" Magua in The Last of the Mohicans, The Sphinx in Mystery Men, the Nav'i chieftain in Avatar, along with work in films like Heat, The Doors, and The New World, I'd seen this guy in SO many movies that he was a celebrity to me. When he first arrived on set and stepped out of his car I literally froze. But enough sucking his dick already, Wes was awesome. His character's only personality trait was "henchman" so he really didn't have much to work with, so he made up for that by being an absolute badass. He was a quiet man off-camera but he had some interesting stories, like how the one person from Mohicans he keeps in touch with is the guy whose heart he cuts out in the film. Their families have Thanksgiving together. Also, Wes Studi loves playing with toy guns. Anytime the director was talking to the cast or he had nothing to do, you could see Wes aiming his rifle around and squeezing the trigger making gun noises with his mouth. He pulled a Ewan McGregor a few times by making the "Pew!" noise with his mouth during takes.

Ernie Hudson as Max Stevens

I can't believe I can't find a picture of Ernie from the film, but this one will have to do. Ernie was a Ghostbuster, and that's all you really need to know if you don't (but you SHOULD). He also turned out great performances as the lead in the HBO series Oz, and the films Congo and The Crow. Unfortunately he was another case of an actor not using a lot of props so I hardly interacted with the man at all, not even to tell him how bummed I was when he died in Oz's penultimate episode, or to act out Congo quotes in front of him. Alas. Anyway, I was surprised they cast him in this role because even in the script it was a very small supporting part, and his character has a really lame death scene halfway through and then we're forced to watch the rest of the film without him. His performance was honestly a highlight of the finished product, despite how obvious it was that Mr. Hudson was simply phoning this one in for his next paycheck.

Bill Duke as President Donald Sheridan

Bill Duke is most recognizable from Predator as the black guy that wasn't Carl Weathers, and he played an intimidating prison warden in an episode of Lost. I unfortunately don't see him come up enough in film casts, but his performance was definitely among the strongest in the film. Particularly his monologue as he regretfully approves a city-wide nuking to contain the lycanthropy. Though again he required absolutely no props, my friend and I got the chance to sit down and talk with him briefly while we prepared something for the next scene. He is the absolute nicest man I've ever met, period. He may look tough and sleepless, but the man is as friendly as can be.

Other actors and actresses included Kate Vernon of Battlestar Galactica as Dr. Gordon; Benjamin James from Two-Headed Shark Attack and a memorable episode of 1,000 Ways to Die as Corporal Parkins; Darin Cooper from The Social Network and an episode of Monk as Secretary Woods; and horror movie scream queen Debbie Rochon in a one-line cameo as a SWAT team leader. Getting to meet and see the work of these many talented people made the entire process worth it in the end. I even managed to get myself on screen in the background of an early scene as an infected person (13:14 mark, walking arm-in-arm with a girl behind Craig and Ariana). I also acted as a stand-in for a helicopter pilot in one scene with Wes Studi but I wasn't even remotely visible in the shot. I sat in to play Wes's thigh in another helicopter scene and the jury's still out on whether that's actually my leg in the final cut or not.

The film premiered on the SyFy Channel this past April and...I can't say I was too impressed. I feel the film really suffered in the editing process, as some deleted scenes included details or dialogue that was referenced by characters later on in the film, creating some confusion. It was always going to be a bad movie, but I found the end result to be bad in a bad way, not in an awesome, Sharknado-bad way. It's not very rewatchable. Maybe it's because I watched it all get made and had a hand in a lot of it, but the film didn't seem to fit together right to me. It was a lot of fun telling my family and others all about the making-of process while the film was going on, though, and pointing out the "cool ones" in the cast. There's also a drinking game just waiting to be played involving seeing the same extras from scene-to-scene, despite them dying in almost all of their appearances.

So that's my tale. I feel I've told it truthfully. I don't think I'll ever attempt to work on a film set again unless I've got a real handle on my job and how to do it, but I appreciate the opportunity my friend and the production crew gave me nonetheless. I am now officially on IMDb and in the credits of a film. If you're curious or just want to me my infamous walking-in-the-background scene, get on Netflix and look for Battledogs.

Until I write again,
Tyler

Another World, A Better World

[Disclaimer: spoilers for the film "Cloud Atlas," The Dark Tower book series, and the television series "Lost."]

I've been very open about my not having a religion, never quite fitting the system of any existing organized beliefs group. My one true and honest belief in this world is that believing something does not make it right or so, but it says everything about who one is as a person. Religion is good when it is used the right way, to cope with the hardships of life and to feel that everything has a purpose. I think that religion's main purpose is to console us from the great mystery at the end of our roads: death. It is the one place we cannot come back from and tell our friends and family about. What is after life?

That is a trailer for one of my favorite films, "Cloud Atlas." I cannot recommend enough that you watch the movie if you haven't, but the trailer sets up what I'm about to say just fine. Throughout the film we are introduced to multiple characters across six different stories. The trick of the film is that the same actors carry over into each others' stories portraying different people. What the film stresses in many of the character cases, though, is that they are the same or similar people each time. Similar traits are exhibited repeatedly by the characters played by Tom Hanks, especially. Whereas the characters of actors Hugo Weaving and Hugh Grant are consistently villainous -- in fact becoming less and less human the farther we go into the future of the timeline -- Tom Hanks's characters show a natural and necessary growth. The first chronological story, "The Pacific Journal of Adam Ewing," has Hanks as Dr. Henry Goose, a thieving and treacherous doctor who slowly poisons Jim Sturgess's Ewing while feigning treatment on him. Goose is after Ewing's gold, and is seen pilfering items off of Ewing's person throughout the process. When next we see Hanks he is a hotel manager who allows Ben Wishaw's character a room if he gives him his decorated vest in exchange. He is seen admiring the buttons of the vest, just as Goose admired and stole the buttons off of Ewing's vest in the previous story. A later segment shows Hanks as an Irish gangster character whose brief scene involves him murdering a literary critic. The final story has Hanks as Zachry, a native man who is a coward, allowing his brother-in-law to be killed by savages when he could have intervened. We still see the temptations of a thief in Zachry throughout the story, but in the end he finds his courage and saves the life of his niece. For the most part, Hanks's character is on a journey of redemption over the course of the film's timeline, constantly being reborn until he can achieve his full and true purpose in the world. The villainous Henry Goose becomes the heroic Zachry in the end.

What the film describes is a belief that every single person in the world has a purpose, a standard to achieve. It just sometimes takes multiple lifetimes to reach that potential. The television series "Lost" touched upon this subject matter with the character of Jacob, an immortal man who uses his mystical powers to guide people of certain character to his island where they are given the chance to redeem any past sins and achieve their true purpose in life. However, Jacob's experiments are constantly foiled by his brother, The Man in Black, who dedicates himself to proving Jacob wrong and that humanity is doomed and people cannot change.
"They come, fight, they destroy, they corrupt. It always ends the same," The Man in Black tells his brother.
Jacob calmly replies, "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress."
Unlike his brother, Jacob always looks for the best in people. He looks at every failure as progress towards the eventual success.

Stephen King writes on the topic of repeated chances over the course of many lifetimes in his massive fantasy series The Dark Tower. At the end of the final novel, after hero Roland's ka-tet (fellowship) have all been killed or sent away, he finally reaches the giant and omnipotent Dark Tower, to which he had been guided towards his entire life. Upon reaching the top, however, and opening the final door, he is suddenly struck with brief deja vu. He realizes too late that he had reached the tower before, hundreds of times or more, and he is transported through the doorway to where he was at the very start of the series: in the middle of a desert following his foe, The Man in Black (not to be confused with the aforementioned character on "Lost"). Roland has no memories of the adventure we read about over the course of seven books, and he picks up exactly where we started with him. This time, however, he has an item he did not have before: the horn of his childhood friend and fellow gunslinger Cuthbert, lost when the latter was slain in battle. The horn here signifies that Roland has made progress in his ultimate quest, but he still has many more lifetimes to repeat until he does it all right. Every failure or poor choice he makes along the way to the Tower curses him to repeat it all again at the end. We as the readers never learn whether Roland is ever free from this terrible cycle, but by giving Roland his late friend's horn King shows us a glimmer of hope that Roland is on his way.

The belief that we repeat ourselves over and over again across distant lifetimes and even universes is about as close to a religious belief that I get. Life is simply too short to get everything done, too brief to really discover who we are and what we are fully capable of. There is only one true ending ahead of us, one that transcends even death, and I believe that we are slowly but surely working towards it. Only when we do will we find peace and satisfaction in life, and eventually, in death too.

"I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there,"
Tyler

One Blaze of Glory

I may or may not have mentioned that I was fortunate enough to perform in a local production of RENT in my home-ish town of Syracuse. I brought it up in passing in my last post but I felt that those few sentences just didn't do it justice. So naturally I'm dedicating an entire post to it so you'll just have to shut up and read. Or don't, if you don't want to. But you should, 'cause I'll hate you otherwise. I've unfriended people from Facebook before and don't think I'll hesitate to do it again. 

So enjoy the read!

Our story begins in January after hearing from two different friends that a theatre company in Syracuse was going to be holding auditions for RENT. Now, I've been a RENT fan since high school and had dreamed of playing the characters Mark or Roger ever since then, so naturally I was excited beyond words. I even purposely didn't tell some of my other actor/singer friends about the auditions to cut down on competition for the roles I wanted. Sorry friends, but welcome to the world of community theatre. So anyways I debate with myself between singing a song from the show or something else. I'd heard the director preferred songs from the show, but I didn't want to chance it. So I decided to sing "Don't Do Sadness" from the musical Spring Awakening as I figured the character of Moritz Stiefel from that show allowed me to showcase my ability to play either the awkward nerdy Mark as well as the intense, hard rocker Roger. 

I go into the audition space, sing my song, grow more nervous when I'm asked to sing it a second time with less body movements, and then the director (Garrett Heater; he's the best) asks me that, if cast, I would prefer the role of Roger or Mark. Talk about a tough question to answer, but I decided that in the end my voice was a better suited for Roger and tell him that. I figured that him asking me that was a good sign, but other than that I had no real notion of how I did. I then left and had the most anxious two weeks of my life as I awaited a call from Garrett about my audition. One day I get a call from a number I don't recognize and, assuming it was him, I let it go to voicemail, not ready to hear potential bad news yet. Later I listen to the voicemail and hear that I'd been chosen to play the role of Roger. Jumping and cheering soon followed.

Months later the cast has its first rehearsal, which was especially nerve-wracking for me as we were scheduled to rehearse two songs that I was heavily featured in. This would be the first time the cast would hear me sing and I was ridiculously nervous. Like, what if I turned out to not be what they had in mind? After convincing myself that I wouldn't be in the cast if they didn't want me there, I walked into rehearsal and just sang. To my delight, they liked me.

It was a grueling rehearsal process for me, having to rush right to the rehearsal space from work every day, usually only half-awake. My voice wasn't always up to the task after a 13 hour shift. Then there was delving right into the romantic scenes with the actress playing Mimi who I barely knew at all at that point that frankly made me kind of uncomfortable (but now we're friends so YAY!!!). Finally I just said "fuck it" to myself and realized I was supposed to be an actor and just began committing to every single scene and action as best as I could. 

                                                   And especially committing to those pants.

Sure the rehearsals and proving my worth as a singer/actor to myself and others was rewarding, but even more than that was the cast I was lucky enough to be a part of. I've never been a part of such a talented and friendly and diverse group of people who gave their all into every little action, the tiniest of moments, and the smallest of facial expressions. Because of an upcoming orgy scene we would be blocking soon, the cast decided to have a bonding session one weekend, the events of which I am sworn to secrecy about. Now I don't know if that was what really brought us all into an unbreakable familial bond, but ever since then we'd been nearly inseparable. Not only among the cast, but our director Garrett and everyone else in the crew as well. It was just the best group of people to work with.

My fellow actors, though, were an inspiration to stand alongside of. All along I wanted to portray a darker, more intense character of Roger than was typically done. Funnily enough, Garrett must have had the same vision as many of my acting notes went along with the character I wanted to play. Roger is a terribly underwritten character and him and I both wanted to bring out the darker, honest side of him. In a great twist of fate, everyone else in the cast wanted to do the same thing with their own character. That was what made this production better than any other I've seen; it was the honesty we all portrayed, which is something that is missing in contemporary musicals, I feel. 

                                               Ladies and gentlemen, we invite you to cry with us.

But yeah, when it came to going to those kinds of places for the sake of acting, things got pretty dark on stage. Garrett told us one rehearsal that if we didn't leave a part of ourselves behind in this show, then we didn't do our job right. So, I feel like we all did our jobs pretty well. I've admittedly never been able to cry onstage for a show, but my tear cherry was successfully popped in this one. All I had to do was look over at my buddy Max (playing Collins) while he sang the heartbreaking "I'll Cover You (Reprise)" and the tear dam was broken.

                                                                Pictured: acting.

Honestly I could write an individual post about every single actor in this production, but that wouldn't be very good writing/editing skills if I went on and on like this. You guys were fan-fucking-tastic! Especially you! Yeah, you!

Finally when it came time to put on the show for an audience, the nerves began coming in. My voice had been iffy that entire week of rehearsals and I wasn't sure how I would do that night. I drank nothing but tea and honey all day, and between every scene I was pouring honey down my throat. It must have done the trick because I felt awesome that night, and the audience loved the show. Only a few days later the entire remainder of the run was sold out. The reviews we got in the paper were extremely positive, calling our show the most emotional production the reviewer had ever seen. I was ecstatic to see that I had gotten a positive mention in one review, especially since I had never been mentioned period in a review before. I was on top of the world.

Roger was the first lead I've ever played in a musical. Well, more of a co-lead with the character of Mark, actually. After multiple auditions hoping to land the lead and getting cast in roles with less and less singing parts I had almost given up on it completely, accepting that my singing voice was just not up to the standards of a musical. There just didn't seem to be a place in Syracuse for a man with a rocker-style singing voice. Getting cast in this role really boosted my confidence in my abilities. I can't help but think that I may never have an opportunity like this role again, at least for a long, long time. That was why the song "One Song Glory" meant so much to me in the show; this role could be my "one blaze of glory." If that be the case, it was a great one. I'll keep on trying, though, because I finally have the confidence now to keep on going. No matter what, though, I know I'll never have an experience like this show in my life again, with this cast and this director and just the atmosphere of the show. So thank you, Garrett, the Covey Theatre Company (named Best Community Theatre in Syracuse, motherfuckers!!!), my cast that is my family now, and Jonathan Larson for writing this show so long ago. 

It's time now to sing out

Though the story never ends

Let's celebrate, remember a year

In the life of friends

And in case you missed the show, in turn setting yourself up for a life full of regret, here is a little video clip from opening night of the song "What You Own," featuring myself and Brett Roden.

It's gonna be a happy new year,

Tyler

P.S. Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson is now playing Wednesday-Saturday nights at 8:00pm at the Redhouse in downtown Syracuse and you should go. I'm in it with two of my fellow RENT alumni and we're all amazing!

The Road So Far...

This week's post comes to you courtesy of bullshit. I really didn't have time to think up anything meaningful to write about, but before I sat down to just hammer the keys into decently-formed sentences and see what happened, I realized that I never explained to you readers what occurred in my life between my hiatus and the blog's revival, and after all, if you're bothering to read anything I post, you all just wanna know everything about me. So here we go: my life from January 2013 until September 2013.

And you're required to play this while you read:

JANUARY

When I left you all I had been talking about how I was recently cast in a production of RENT as Roger, and was then desperately looking for employment. Well, since I had a long wait ahead of me until RENT started I decided to try out for the annual production of Jesus Christ Superstar here in Syracuse. I went in, sang "I Want to Break Free" from the musical We Will Rock You, and secured a nice role in the ensemble. I wanted to play Judas or Simon, but considering the talents of the guys who did land those parts I wasn't too bummed in the end. I did get a cool solo as a Priest in "This Jesus Must Die," one of my favorite songs from the show. But wait: a last minute recasting brought in Tony-nominee Philip Boykin to fill in as Caiaphas, meaning I would get to be on stage with him in that song and singing to him. A Broadway dude. So that was awesome. He's a real nice guy. Also, my killer beard made a grand return to my face for the show.
Oh, and somewhere in that time period I got a job as a host at an Olive Garden. I'd like to forget that experience as much as possible so we'll leave it at that.

FEBRUARY

Um...not much. Single Awareness Day came and went. I did my usual act of listening to The Smiths and wallowing in single despair. Alone. Oh, and the Groundhog Day marathon on Groundhog Day. That was awesome.
Jesus Christ Superstar rehearsals still going on.
Still at Olive Garden. Hadn't yet gone postal.

MARCH

Woohoo more theatre auditions!!! I tried out for a bunch of shows at the Red House Arts Center received multiple callbacks for further readings and singings. Jesus Christ Superstar had its one and only performance on the 31st and was awesome as expected. I managed to make some new friends out of the show and had an all around great time in one of my favorite shows.

APRIL

Red House got back to me and I learned I was cast in their productions of Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson and Dog Sees God as ensemble and Matt, respectively. Also, that SyFy Channel film Battledogs I worked on last fall had its television premiere, and my background cameo was in plain sight. It's also streaming on Netflix currently; look for me around the 14 minute mark. I'm wearing black scrubs and looking cold.
Later this month I managed to catch a show starring my good friend Amanda called Suds, a '60s jukebox musical. She was fantastic, of course. She always is. Girl's gonna be famous.

                                                   Yeah, we're cooler than you. Deal with it.

MAY

I went up to Buffalo to celebrate my birthday for the night. One of the few things I remember is almost lighting the bartender on fire. I spent the next day with the girls moaning and writhing on the floor and couches before driving home.
Also I was offered my old position at W.B. Mason back so I quit Olive Garden faster than you can say...like, anything. However, my shifts go from 6:00am 'til when-the-fuck-ever. So...that catches up with you.

JUNE

I start rehearsals for RENT, and that and work become my life from now through...

JULY

...until...

AUGUST

And I wish I had the time to properly explain just how amazing the experience was, but I don't, so here's a picture.

                                                That's me in the pants. You know which pants.

I tell you, I've been in a lot of shows, but the people in this cast were some of the best people I've ever been lucky to meet, let alone perform on stage with. It was a time I'll never forget. Also every show was sold out, so that fucking rocked.

SEPTEMBER

I restarted the blog and started rehearsals for Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. So that gets us all caught up, really. And now I can actually say I'm sticking to my one-post-a-week promise. So, it's win/win, right? Now, let's see if I can stick to that policy next week when I start my 12 hour weekend rehearsals. I really can't promise anything, so...hey, find something else to read.


Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog,
Tyler


P.S. Idris Elba is the fucking man and if you disagree I will fight you.

Wake Me in Time to Be Lonely and Sad

Good morning readers! It's not morning when I write this, and it may or may not be morning when you read this, but someone somewhere is just waking up, I know it. My plan for my Blog Comeback Tour was to write a new post every Sunday night. However, tomorrow night I begin rehearsals for the next show I'm in, "Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson," and once that starts I will only be half-existing in the conscious world until October. See, rehearsals go until 10-11 at night, and it takes me 45 minutes to drive home after, and I get up at 4:30-5 Mondays through Fridays for work, and will be going straight to rehearsals after my shifts now, so...if you see me on the street just don't talk to me unless I have a cup of coffee in my hand.

                                                        This will be me on a good day.

But this post is not about my slow, painful death from exhaustion. No, today we're going to talk about escaping from that shit. One of my very first posts was about my dreams and how beyond fucked up they are. This post will be a sort of continuation of that one, but on a different theme entirely. You see, I may complain about how my subconscious makes me question my sanity, and how I'll unfortunately never be able to try LSD for fear of my head having a Scanners moment, but at the end of the day I love my dreams because they're not my real life.

You're confused? You stupid motherfucker, I'll explain it, then. Most of the time when I'm dreaming, I'm not even in the dream, if that makes any sense. It's just my eyes watching something unfold in my mind, like watching a movie that no one else could ever write because they wouldn't even know how to have it make sense. I see characters that either I thought up, have seen in other movies, or that I know personally, and they're all running around from monsters or shooting each other or just doing cool shit. And where am I during all of this? Up in the air, gliding over all, watching these scenes unfold.

                                                           "Aw man, I wanna play too!"

So what? you may be asking. So you get to watch cool movies in your sleep. My dreams do that too sometimes. Yeah, but I'm not saying that I'm the only guy who does it. Maybe I do it best, but I can't be the only one who has dreams like that. What I'm saying is those dreams are really cool because they defy what is available to us in the real world. Those dream movies are perfect because they are everything I want in entertainment without the restrictions of money or special effects or actor availability. They are an escape from our earthly limitations, a brief moment of perfection. And isn't that just wonderful when we can get it?

I'm not saying I'd rather live in my dreams than in reality, but I kind of am. It's just, I've been very, very unlucky in my affections throughout my life, and whenever I get a dream where I'm spending some time with a girl or kissing her or fighting off monsters with her, it's one that I'm just devastated to wake up from. I've mentioned before that I never have sex dreams per-say, but what I have is so much better in the long run, I think. I'll dream about a girl I like and we'll just be hanging out somewhere, getting dinner or a drink and just talking. I'll kiss her maybe, and that's just the fucking best because it'll feel so real. Then when I wake up I remember that whoever I just dreamed about is not my girlfriend, whether she was a friend or a celebrity.

For example, the other night I had a dream that I was hanging around with Lea Michele, 'cause we knew each other somehow (it's a dream, reasons be damned). She was sad about something so I hugged her in a comforting manner, and the next thing you know we're locking lips. It was amazing, and now I suddenly have a crush on Lea Michele. I mean, before I just thought she was hot, but it's different now.

                                                      I love a girl with coffee in her hand.

I've had another dream similar to that one, although there was no making out at the end of it. It involved myself and some friends including a girl I'd just met, and we were all hanging out in some big park at night. The girl and I broke away from the group because she needed to talk to me about something I don't remember, but it was just the two of us walking through this park in the dark with the little path lights glowing around us. I don't remember what we talked about, I just remember being there with her and not wanting to leave. In the end, as my dreams seem to show me, more than a relationship I just want to be able to be there for someone I care about when she needs someone.

Before things get too serious, though, some of the girls I've completely dreamt up have been pretty awesome dream-girlfriends too. There was Dawn, the super hot Asian girl who I was in a group of freedom fighters with, and Krystal, a princess who I rescued from some weird mutant guy in a shopping mall (after various failed attempts. I died a lot in that dream). I started to make things happen with this one girl in my infamous post-apocalyptic LARP quest dream until a treacherous Steve Buscemi started some shit. Seriously guys, if you want some hilarious and spine-tingling entertainment you need to check out my Dream Logs I used to post on my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/tyler.ianuzi/notes

There are a lot of them, I know, but they're good. You'll wish you had my dreams, too.

As with all forms of escapism, though, these little excursions all must come to an end. I wake up from these magnificent visions and I'm still in my bed at home, about to go to work and continue my boring, single life. But hey, there's always the chance for another one the next night, right? Lately I've been having dreams featuring Benedict Cumberbatch, though, so the jury's still out on the significance of that.

                                                 "Oh stop pretending you don't like it, Tyler."

Hopefully I'll be able to write something for next week too, but there can be no promises. This is going to be one busy theatre guy for a while. But hey, living the dream, right?

Dream until your dreams come true,
Tyler

P.S. So Breaking Bad last week. Holy shit, right?

I'll Never Turn Back Time

I don't mean to generalize or make assumptions, but I think you're lying if you think the following isn't true: we all have those moments or entire years we feel we'd like to go back and do better on. I, for instance, wish that I had been a goth in high school. I loved the color black and always thought the gothic style was really cool. Plus, I had a thing for goth chicks. However, I never really had the gothic mentality, or money to spend on the clothes/chains. But hey, gothic or not, teenage me was still pretty cool.

                                                                    Coolness

In all seriousness though, while it's fun to imagine being a completely different person all those years ago, there isn't much I'd want to change. I had a great group of people in my circle and was able to do more or less all of the things I wanted to do in high school. I can't look back on my high school years with any real regret. Even my awful bummer of a senior year I believe helped mature me into who I am now. Although, if I could do it all again, I definitely would have at least asked that girl out.

Or would I have?
Now wait a minute, Tyler -- yes, I'm talking to myself but bear with me -- don't you still have trouble asking girls out to this day? What makes you think you'll have any better luck finding the balls to ask her out the second time around?
Well, I...I...don't know. I just figured the second time's a charm, you know? That's what second chances are all about, aren't they?

It's easy to think that way, though. We convince ourselves that, had we just gotten one more chance to do something over, we would've done it right. We tell ourselves: "if I could go back to high school I would bury my face in my books and get into a better college," or "if I could do college again I would focus only on my classes and then get a better job than the one I have now." Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, no, you wouldn't, because the minute you touch back down into your high school or college years, you'd have the exact same feelings about work you did back then. You'd sit down to read that textbook when your buddies call you up to go bowling, and just like the first go round out the door you go, leaving the reading for another day. You get back to your dorm and decide to get a head start on that 8-pager due at the end of the month when you get a text: "yo dawg we hittin up teh bars lol lets get krunked brah!!1!". Yeah, you're going drinking, 'cause fuck that paper, you'll write it tomorrow, or the night before it's due, you don't care. You're young and will live forever. When you're older you'll look back fondly on the fun you had and not the papers you bullshitted, 'cause that was how you were in your school atmosphere. You could go back in time with the knowledge you have now and try to do it different, but when placed back in the same place with the same homework and the same friends inviting you out for another night of your life, you'll do exactly what you did all those years ago. It wouldn't be you if you did anything else.

                                                         This still would've happened.

I'm not proud of a lot of things in my past, but knowing that there's no other way they could've played at least makes me feel better about what happens now. There's more I could've done but there were reasons why I didn't, and those reasons don't change the second time around. I didn't ask that girl out in high school because I was scared of being rejected, and I didn't study harder because I simply wasn't interested. I spent more time with the theatre club at college than focusing on my major because I was frankly more interested in that. Also drinking. But put me on the spot in front of that girl today and I'd still chicken out and I'd still say "fuck it" to that essay and go get cast in a play or something. To quote one of my favorite songs by Green Day:

"The regrets are useless in my mind."

And that's really the truth, because there is no going back in time. There are no do overs. Whatever happened happened and you acted accordingly with what you thought was right (or wrong but fun anyways) at the time. Your strengths and your flaws can be traced back to that time but that's you now and you're stuck with it. Do I think some things would be better in my life had I done things a little differently? Absolutely. But would I be any better? Who can say? But I'm satisfied with myself. I'm smarter now from the mistakes I've made, and I'm driven more now to do the things I didn't do before. Life, unfortunately, is one giant learning curve, and the prize at the end is self-satisfaction (the good kind). I won't ever have the chance to ask that girl out now, but you know what? Since then I've asked many girls out, and...still nothing, but at least I've tried, dammit, and that's more than that 15 year-old dork with the stupid Anton Chigurh haircut ever did. But it could've been worse, I think. I could've endured some terrible relationships and come out a bitter, misogynistic jerk off like some people I know. Am I sad that I've been unlucky in my many affections? Yes, but never bitter. And girls dig that, I think.

So in short, "forget regret, or life is yours to miss." And there's no such thing as time travel so quit actin' a bitch and move on.

See you in another world, brotha,
Tyler

P.S. If you're really my friend you should have a leather jacket.